Taking care of yourself... as the carer

Looking after a loved one who is unwell can take its toll on the carer. Sometimes the pressure can build up to a point where the carer is no longer able to cope, or reaches a stage of burnout. Self-care is often last on the priority list: when all your time is spent looking after someone else, it may feel like there is no time or energy left for yourself. But self-care is important for you and for the person you are caring for.

Self-Care Tips

Sleep

Carers often don’t get sufficient sleep. Whether it be from stress, anxiety, being time poor, or googling medical terms and treatments until late in the night in an effort to help or understand what their loved one is going through. But sleep has over 200 functions in the body, so it is the number one thing to maintain during times of stress.

Tips:

• Aim for at least 8 hours per night (more if you need it)
• Maintain proper sleep hygiene such as a cool, dark room and a regular bedtime etc.
• Avoid screen time before bed (the blue light disrupts natural melatonin production)
• Avoid caffeine and alcohol
• Drink plenty of water during the day, but restrict after 4pm to avoid toilet wake-ups
• If the problem persists seek some help. 

Source: https://unsplash.com/photos/rUc9hVE-L-E

Eat well

Sometimes making time to eat properly as a carer can be difficult. We may cook elaborate meals for our loved ones, then live off a piece of toast ourselves. Or ones appetite can be suppressed during times of stress or grief. When your body is going through stress (physical or emotional), it needs an immense amount of resources to function optimally and to cope. It is extremely important to prioritise fuelling yourself so that you can give proper care and sustain your energy levels.

Tips

• Nourishing doesn’t need to be complicated. A simple good quality muesli with nuts and seeds, some fresh berries, and a Coconut yoghurt is a fuelling brekki that will keep up energy levels throughout the morning.
• Stock up on veggies, fruit and nuts: keep them chopped and ready to go in containers in the fridge or in a ziplock in your bag to avoid grabbing processed snacks between meals. Boiled eggs are also great to have ready to go in the fridge.
• A smoothie with some protein powder, fresh or frozen fruit and a plant-based milk (or water) can be a great pick-me-up when you're in a rush.
• Meal prep is your best friend: batch cooking once or twice a week ensures
• Get groceries or pre made meals delivered when time is tight, or ask a friend to help you while you help others
• Always eat when the person you’re caring for eats. It’s a nice time to relax, talk or just be together enjoying some quality quiet time.

Source: https://unsplash.com/photos/hsTwPUzFegQ

Exercise

Moving the body is an excellent way of regulating stress and emotions, supporting physical and mental health, boosting energy levels, and creating some ‘me time’. When exercise goes out of the window there is usually an added layer of guilt, so don’t let this add to your stress.

Tips:

• Find a type of exercise that you enjoy, such as walking, stretching or dancing.
• A short workout is better than no workout: eg a quick walk around the block, or a 15 minute weights session at home is better than nothing.
• Just start. When motivation is low, it’s easy to talk yourself out of exercising. But once you start, it is not so bad. Sometimes even just putting on your exercise gear can help get you started.
• It may seem like the time may not always be available, but it is worthwhile making the time and taking advantage of it when it is.

Source: https://unsplash.com/photos/ljoCgjs63SM

Moments of mindfulness

Most people don’t have time to sit down and meditate for half an hour. Evidence shows that even 5 minutes or short micro-moments of mindfulness are also extremely effective for downregulating the nervous system and helping with your stress response.

Tips:

• Download an app that has 5 minute meditation sessions that you can do before bed, or during your morning coffee etc.
• Just sit/stand somewhere, close your eyes and take 5 deep breaths. This is extremely important when a situation gets heated or you are feeling frustration get the better of you.
• Do a 5 minute mindfulness before you get home from your loved ones place/hospice, after medical appointments, or when you get back to other family members. This helps remove the stress of the previous moment and bring you back to the present moment (we love doing this in the carpark before going home to our family members).
• Include the loved one you are caring for in this, it can be a lovely bonding activity. Mindfulness or mini-meditations will be lovely for them as well, no matter where their health is at.
• And again: just start ?

Source: https://unsplash.com/photos/osYax0ZmZRk

Socialise

Try to make plans with other friends and family on as regular a basis as possible. Not just to debrief and talk, but also to get your mind off your stressors and actually have some fun. It is extremely important to maintain your mental health and identity outside of being a carer.

Source: https://unsplash.com/photos/X1GZqv-F7Tw

Ask for support

Make a list of friends, relatives or professionals that you can call on when you need some help. Having a list can make the process of asking for help and finding support a lot more manageable. Help can include small things such as preparing a meal or household chores, or larger things like taking on some of the primary care duties for an agreed time period. Loved ones and relatives are often very willing to offer practical help, they just need to be asked.

Check in with yourself

If you find yourself not coping, mentally or physically, make sure you seek help. This can be from family and friends, as well as support groups, help-lines, your GP or a therapist. Keeping a journal can help you keep track of how you are feeling and when to seek help for yourself. You should never feel guilty for taking time to care for yourself.

Changes to the relationship

Looking after someone can alter your relationship with them. It’s normal to sometimes feel close and connected, and at other times feel irritated or upset. And projecting ones own feelings or values on the other person is also perfectly normal, it is important to remember to act according to their values and requests, compared to what you might want. It is certainly beneficial to talk openly and honestly about this to find ways of supporting each other and coping together. Empowering the person you are caring for to help themselves, or even help you occasionally, can be extremely beneficial for their sense of purpose and for your relationship. Needing care doesn’t take away their ability to care for others too, and often it’s very important for their wellbeing to be able to maintain their role as a mutual care giver and contributor to the relationship.

Source: https://unsplash.com/photos/BxXgTQEw1M4

When your role as the carer ends

For many carers, the most challenging time in their role as carer is when this role comes to end. This can either be when your loved one recovers, passes away, or if care is passed on to someone else. You may find it difficult to slip back into your life prior to being a carer, and you may feel lost and have difficulty with your identity. This is normal and it can take some time to adjust. Be kind to yourself and take time to reflect on what happened and what it meant it to you. Again, remember to reach out and seek help if you need it.

Carers Victoria provides counselling and practical resources to support you in your role as carer.  You can contact the Carers Victoria advisory line on 1800 242 636 from anywhere in Victoria between 8.30 am and 5.00 pm Monday to Friday (except for public holidays).